It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
