He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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