Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
