heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
