I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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