What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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