Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His hands were made for my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize