look no pants
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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