Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
