"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
