Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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