can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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