At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
