dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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