Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
