You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
