I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
