He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
