I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
