Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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