I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
