I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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