Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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