i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
