come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
