cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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