You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so much tequila, so little girl.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
