I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
