Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
