This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
