Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
