That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
