Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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