Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
