and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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