he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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