On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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