Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize