look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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