I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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