Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
