I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
