She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
