So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Found the puke drawer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize