I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
