ugly people sure do ruin things
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
