my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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