highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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