I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
