I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
