every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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