Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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