He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
