Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
