He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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