summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
