My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
