Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
