Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
