Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
