I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
