The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
