my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
