I wish my penis had an off switch
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
