Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
