bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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