so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
