I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
