If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
