Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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