Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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