I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Be still, my beating vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
