you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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