omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
