just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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