We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
