The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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