Sponge bath it is.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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